Sentimentality

I'm not the kind of person who's very sentimental. I don't keep a lot of things and remember many memories. To be honest, I'm the kind of person of forgets so easily. And it weirds (is that even a word?) me out when people just want to take so many photos of a venue they've gone, pose beside a statue or the signage and buy souvenirs. I used to ask people why they do that. "So we could cherish and remember the memories when I look at them," they'd reply.

I'm not a pessimist-- or maybe in this matter I am, but I really, really don't like it when people act that way. Say, they've gone to a gorgeous place for vacation; they'd take a lot of photos from it, purchase different stuff "native" from that place and post it on facebook or any other social media sites there is. I find it ridiculous. I have no idea why. Maybe because I feel like they're bragging it on everybody's face that they've gone there? Or maybe because a pang of jealousy hits me when I see they've gone someplace else I never got to ever?

Just moving on is my thing, I suppose. I don't like sticking myself up in one memory, trying to recall it because it been "so fun" or "very memorable". Most probably because I'm a bitter person. In a sense that when I've experienced something bad, I just want to escape from it, to run away, and never look back or remember.

I remember how I always tell people that you should learn from your mistakes, not run away from them. Seems to me I'm the one who does not commence myself to my words. I don't know... it's difficult for me, I guess. Because you know, every now and then, there are these snippets of that memories that snaps back at you, devours your guilt and happiness and pains you so much it feels like you just want to curl up and pray to every possible thing you could pray to for you to forget everything. I don't like that feeling.

Sometimes I think that is the reason why I read so much: so I could cover everything up and escape. When you read, some sort of a force field elopes you. Covers your ears from everything else and make you just focus on what is written on the pages, making you forget everything. Books are my refuge, my safe place when I feel so bad, alone and terrible about myself. They make me feel safe, sheltered, even when the things happening in the book aren't very happy either. It takes up my time and distracts me from the bad things that I do not want to hear at the moment.

Although being like this, I think there is a good side to it. I believe that all those photos and souvenirs aren't meant to last. They're material things. And materials don't last. They wither, they grow old, they break and they can be forgotten some time after that experience or memory has happened. I don't like keeping things because I'm not good at it.Not because I am reckless and carefree, but because I just think they won't mean a thing when time passed by. Say, I bought a vase from when I visited Greece. I'm pretty sure that after a month or two, I'll just pass by that vase and look at it like a little antic just sitting on my coffee table, waiting to be filled or just occupying space. And soon enough, I might decide to throw it away or give it to someone else. It's just a vase anyway, nothing more, nothing less. I could get another one when I want to. I don't believe in accumulating all those materials to remember memories from your past. Because I do believe that if a memory is memorable enough, you should be nice enough to remember it forever and keep it in your heart and come back to it when your mind wills you to without difficulty. It's in your heart. It's implanted in the deepest tresses of your memory and whatever happens, whether you threw your photos or souvenirs away, it will stay with you and you would be able to cherish it even when all those things are gone.

'Til next time.

:-)