Somewhere in Life

"Your grades won't define who you will be and where you're gonna go in life."

That is what my aunt tell me all the time. And I do believe that, I really do. But there are some times when I know that will never be socially accepted. Just like this time.

We just received our report cards for the first grading and in all honesty, it isn't an attractive thing to look at. First time in my whole life, I got a line of seven. Chemistry. 76, to be exact. And I am in rage. I expected it, actually, since our first grading had crap loads of math in it and because I am not really one of our teacher's favorite students.

I remember our adviser and that Chemistry teacher telling us that it doesn't matter if we're good at that subject or really quite bonkers. They said they would understand, because they know it if a student tries or not. Seems to me, they really didn't. Or maybe that is what they meant by they'll pay you well for your efforts. Yup, seems about right. By giving me a grade that doesn't necessarily mean I failed, but doesn't really imply I passed either. Just the right one, I suppose.

I admit, I suck so bad at Math and anything Science. (Except for Biology, I kind of liked that.) I try my best to understand all those stuff, but my brain really just can't process it. Like if you put a document out to print and your paper jams? That's like how I do with the two subjects.

Don't have me mistaken, I am quite grateful of my ranking, but it's the grades I feel real bad about. I mean, what's the point of becoming in the top ten if you've got such petty, low grades? Ha.

And the comparison. Remember the fact that I have a twin brother and that we were classmates? Yeah, well he's ranked higher than I did. I'm happy for him, but the thing I worry of is our parent's constant blabber that shall take place sooner or later.

I really don't like it when people compare me to other people. Especially if it's my brother, or if it's about my old self or my grades. I don't think I need say more on this.

Sometimes I really just want to believe that statement I had put on above, but when I do, the world crashes down on me and proves me wrong. And everytime it does, my self esteem pulverizes into dust every single time.